Writing My Own Ethics of Care
and how it made me feel closer to myself, my community, my notebook
Always one for self and collective reflection (I mean, isn’t that really what this whole project is about?), the turning of a calendar year feels like an invitation to widen my scope. It’s a threshold. It can be a portal if we need it to be. I need it to be.
I want to stand back and see the forest for the trees. And since trees need each other to thrive, let me invite us in to collective reflection. Otherwise known as: let’s do this together.
I’ve recently been participating in Pathways to Liberation, “a six month immersive and emergent collective learning experience” led by dear friend and liberationist, Desiree Adaway, alongside healer and organizer Key Jackson. Their facilitation skills and capacity to hold space is tremendous. It’s a closed group now, but if they offer it again and you are able, I highly encourage you to join. I desperately needed a place to grow and connect and build with others who have been involved in social justice and liberation work, and are in need of renewal and recommitment. I have been at this for a long time, and have become so deeply heart tired. I found myself slipping in to pessimism in ways that concern me. For me, bitter pessimism is a stepping stone to apathy. And, sliding in to apathy is simply not an option. Pathways to Liberation popped up right when I needed it. I feel the gratitude in my body for this space.
We were asked by Desiree and Key to create an Ethics of Care for ourselves (all credit to them for this assignment. This is mine, in my Hobonichi Cousin (you can get a spring start book if you didn’t get one for January 1! It starts on April 1), which I am using this year as a commonplace book. It’s the perfect place to take notes during our meetings and to capture homework and reflections in between. Having this content in my book makes me feel a deeper love and connection to it. Truly, journal as altar in practice.
my Ethics of Care
FOCUSED MORE ON BUILDING THAN TEARING DOWN, AND USE DISCERNMENT WHEN TEAR DOWN ENERGY IS AND IS NOT WARRANTED
HARDER ON SYSTEMS, SOFTER ON PEOPLE
LOOK FOR OVERLAPPING HUMANITY RATHER THAN BEING HYPERVIGILANT ABOUT EVERY SINGLE GAP IN WHAT CONNECTS US
LEARN HOW TO ELEVATE JOY WITHOUT QUALIFICATION, KNOWING THAT LOVE NEVER NEEDS QUALIFICATION
RECOGNIZE AND DEMONSTRATE THROUGH WORDS AND
ACTIONS THAT DISENTANGLING FROM WHITE-NESS, PATRIARCHY, CAPITALISM AND ABLEISM IS SELF AND COLLECTIVE CARE OF THE DEEPEST KINDNO ONE NEEDS PERMISSION FROM ANY PERSON OR SYSTEM TO LIVE IN TO AND TOWARDS ABIDING LOVE
I AM UNABLE TO IDENTIFY AND ASK FOR THE HELP I NEED IF I AM DISEMBODIED AS A BASELINE; EMBODIMENT PRACTICES ARE NECESSARY
My Ethics of Care manifesto is a living document. It was incredibly grounding to think about this, to write it out. I need to be grounded in each of these in order to give and receive the care that I and we need. I need to be grounded in each of these in order to not slip in to apathy and out of alignment with my values. I need these to “stay connected to aliveness.”
I am sure I will share more here about what I learn in this group, which I already hold dear. Stay tuned, pen friends.
a delightful lil tip
If you have a candle in a vessel that has tunneled, meaning the sides or the perimeter of the wax isn’t melting as it burns (aka the wax is higher up the sides than the wick is), this trick - yes learned from the clock app - really works. Simply wrap the vessel in a foil jacket, turning slightly over the top but leaving enough room for the oxygen needed to keep the candle lit. Let it burn like this for at least an hour and !voila! Your candle will even out. I found this to be very satisfying.
spring always comes
tools for your practice
During these Very Difficult Times (VDTs), I make intentional choices to stay connected to aliveness. This is self and collective care.
You guessed it: write your own Ethics of Care. Share in the comments if you feel moved to do so.
Identify a moment of collective or communal care that you witnessed, received, or contributed to. Think tiny to significant. Why did it matter? What did it mean to the community, to you? What if there were more and more of these moments in our lives? Make pages about it!
Does my neighbor putting my packages inside my house for me while I'm out of town count as community care?
Thank you friend. This was so affirming. I’ve written about my ethics of practice but haven’t considered care. Going to work on that